How will I know By asking yourself this single question

How will I know By asking yourself this single questionHow will I know By asking yourself this single questionBut how will I know? We struggle with this question. We wrestle with the answers. We wonder what the doubt means. We ask if were in the right thing. If we did the right thing. If its supposed to feel like this. Are we going in the right direction? Are we doing the right work? Are we with the right people? How will I know?Knowing isnt as hard as it feels. Its only hard when youre looking outside yourself. Because the only person who can actually answer that is you. If you ask anyone else, youll get two different variations of relatively unhelpful (while well-intended) advice. Those youre asking will tell youa) youll just know (and you might)b) youll never know (and you might not)Heres the truth. You may know. Or you may never know. But this one, painfullysimple question will helpIs it costing you your power?Is the job youre working costing you your power? Is the person you lov e costing you your power? Is the friend youre keeping around costing you your power? Is the choice youre making costing you your power?You might be wondering how do I know if its costing me my power? Well, because your spirit is taking a hit. Because you dont feel powerful. You can make compromises and mucksmuschenstill be powerful. You can make sacrifices and still be powerful. You can do things for others and still feel the might of your own power.But when that power waivers so too does your spirit. So too does your light. So too does your strength. So too does your hope. So too does your belief.Want to know what brings that power back, almost immediately? Asking the question. Owning the answer. And stepping, decisively, away from the situation that is costing you that power. That single choice while often not easy, not comfortable, and not fun in any way, will immediately bring your light back. And no matter what heartbreak you feel from the choice, your power returning is a swe et antidote to the pain. The pain summons the power. The power softens the pain. Oh, irony.So if you want to know, how will I know? Well, youll know because if its supporting your power, expanding it, and encouraging that wildly powerful woman you are then its right. You can settle in the knowing. If its costing you your power in order to be in it, youll also know that its not right.Thisarticlefirst appeared onMaxieMcCoy.com.

Salary Negotiation Tips Thou Shalt Not Regret Salary Disclosure

Salary Negotiation Tips Thou Shalt Not Regret Salary DisclosureSalary Negotiation Tips Thou Shalt Not Regret Salary DisclosureJust because they know your current salary or salary expectations doesnt mean you cant negotiate for a fair market value.The Ten Commandments of Salary Negotiation (parte 2) Salary expert Jack Chapman offers 10 lessons on salary negotiation in the vein of the Ten Commandments.Oops, I already told the interviewer how much I make. Now what?All is not gelbkreuzgas Just because she knows your current salary or salary expectations doesnt mean you cant negotiate for a fair market value.Once youve broken the sound barrier, so to speak, on your salary, you at least have one advantage no more tug of war between you and your potential employer about revealing salary.If salary bumped you out of interviewing, it will be hard to gain re-entry at all, and even if you do, it might be at the price of an informal pre-interview agreement that if chosen, youll consider a pay cut .If youre still in the running, however, your disclosed circumstances make it doubly important to do your research well. In this case, you dont need to address salary again until theres an offer. At that point use researched facts about the fair market value for someone with your skill set in a similar job in the region, not your past salary, to substantiate your salary request.When theyve decided to hire you, its time to make the move away from the number you disclosed to your ideal compensation. Dont let your past salary be the starting point for negotiations. Let your own satisfaction and joy of receiving great pay be the motivating force behind you at this point.Remember that what you negotiate now is what youll live with for a long time. A minute or two here can engender months and months of satisfaction - or the opposite if you miss this opportunity. Lets assume theyve made an offer. What do you say?Respond with, I know Ive discussed my current salary/salary expectations. I w ant to make sure from this point forward that were looking for a compensation package that is not just a raise from my previous job, but rather a motivating, fair, value-based salary we will both be satisfied with. Can we agree on that principle?Once you have your agreement on that, you can return to standard salary negotiation.Read other installments in this seriesPart 1 Salary Negotiation Tips Thou Shalt Not Speak Too SoonPart 2 Salary Negotiation Tips Thou Shalt Not Regret Salary DisclosurePart 3 Salary Negotiation Tips Let the Employer Make the First Salary OfferPart 4 Salary Negotiation Tips Thou Shalt Not AgreePart 5 Salary Negotiation Tips Know How Much Money Youre WorthPart 6 Salary Negotiation Tips Thou Shalt Covet Thine Own Benefits and PerksPart 7 Salary Negotiation Tips This Is the Job Thou CovetethPart 8 Salary Negotiation Tips Thou Shalt Not Worry about Earthly EconomyPart 9 Salary Negotiation Tips Thou Shalt Not Take the Name of Thy Salary in VainPart 10 Salary Negoti ation Tips Honor Thy Wealth and Prosperity

On the Move 3 Job Options If Youre Moving

On the Move 3 Job Options If Youre MovingOn the Move 3 Job Options If Youre Moving2If youre moving to another city, state, or even country, its a big life change that will affect everything from your friendships to your job. Luckily, flexible job options are a great way to make this big change go a little smoother. Here are some great flexible job options if youre moving away from your current home. 3 Job Options If Youre Moving1. Pitch telecommuting to your current employer.What do you have to lose? If youre moving out of the area anyway, this might be a great way to retain your job and your professional connections- not to mention the stress itll save you from not having to job search When you talk to your boss about your impending move, rather than resigning from your role, ask them about the option to telecommute. Explain your commitment to the company and desire to continue in your current role.Be sure to prepare a proposal that outlines how the arrangement will work, including how youll maintain regular contact, be just as productive as you were in the office, and continue to be a vital part of the team.2. Find a local job.If you know your destination, conducting a job search before you move (or at least, getting it started) is a solid option. Scope out the employment prospects in your new hometown, and get to know the economy and the options you have there. Be sure to alert your professional network of your job search- you never know who might have a connection for you in your new locale.One great way to find a local job is to research the companies in your new location first. Get a sense of the industries represented and the big employers in the area.3. Find a new telecommuting job where location doesnt matter.These are what we like to call Anywhere Jobs- telecommuting jobs that dont require you to live in a specific location. Check out listings for U.S. National Telecommuting Jobs, which can be done from anywhere in the United States, or Anywhere Jobs that can be done from anywhere in the world. You can also search by specific regions or states of the U.S. or international regions to find job options if youre moving to another country.Readers, what are your best job options if youre moving? Let us know how youre handling a move and a job search by leaving a comment

Study Exercise, eating healthily could improve thinking skills

Study Exercise, eating healthily could improve thinking skillsStudy Exercise, eating healthily could improve thinking skillsSome of us really dread waking up early to spend a half hour on the treadmill. But were constantly told how important it is to exercise, and a new study only reinforces that fact.Published in the journal Neurology, the study measured how people with cognitive impairments reacted to an aerobic exercise routine or diet over a six-month period. Starting out, all of the participants had thinking skills akin to those of someone in their 90s, according to Time. They were randomly assigned to groups who took up exercise, ate in line with the DASH diet, did both, or did neither (the control group was put into health education).Over six months, those who both exercised and ate healthily showed the largest positive change their thinking skills improved by nine years. Those who exercised alone also benefited, though not as remarkably.This is not necessarily a cure, but the re is currently no pharmaceutical intervention for preventing dementia, James Blumenthal, the studys author, told Time. So a starting point of improving lifestyle with exercise and perhaps diet in this group of people can have important implications down the road for their overall wellbeing.Though promising, these results should not come as a huge surprise. Research has long suggested that exercise can improve our creativity and health. So if we want to keep our brains activated, its time to hit the gym - even if our beds feel so much more comfortable at 6 a.m.

Purchasing Investment Banking Resume Template

Purchasing Investment Banking Resume schablone Understanding Investment Banking Resume Template Odds are, in the event the people reading your cover letter eliminate interest from the start, they wont even finish reading the entire thing. Your cover letter needs to be anything but bland if youre hoping for results. Remember that the absolute most successful CVs are particular to the position they are utilised to apply for, so you ought to incorporate elements from the job posting. Normally, a qualifications summary or resume objective permits you to tell the entire story straightaway, in seconds. If youre asking for an entry-level job in a financial institution, you are going to have to show that you really, really want it. If youre looking for a new Investment banking job, you are going to want to make sure that your resume is attractive in print in addition to noticeable online. Investment banking is quite a common career choice and graduate vacancies are highly desired. Keep reading for advice on how to construct a killer investment banking resume. Banks want to understand that you have what it requires to work hard. Writing an effective, succinct investment banking resume is step one for students seeking to break into the geschftsleben. It isnt simple to acquire your investment banking resume picked from the pile. What You Need to Know About Investment Banking Resume Template Assuming you are an experienced professional, list your education near the end. No matter your degree of job practical understanding, your resume structure is critical to making your program stick out. For instance, you could possibly be working in a healthcarecompany and would like to begin your own organization, but nevertheless, it will need a different skillset to be able toachieve those goals. Take into consideration your interests in the exact way as you consider your education and experience sections. Utilise the hardly any seconds of attention youve got to the best of your advantage by prioritising the most essential information. Then you probably could end up excluding some vital places and which include other people that are not that needed. They are you could end up excluding some crucial areas and such as other people that are not that required. They are you could end up excluding some significant regions and which include other individuals which are not that essential. Resume plays a crucial function in deciding your future prospects with a consulting company. There ought to be a very clear reason that you require an MBA. Resumes The crucial target of a resume is to receive an interview. Investment banking is a field which is quite unique, so there are lots of opportunities to generate your CV specific and strong to the position for which youre applying. This banking CV samples will allow you to create the ideal job application. Most importantly, your CV ought to be readable. Plus Your GPA is of utmost importance. The His tory of Investment Banking Resume Template Refuted You have to make a connection and have an extremely excellent comprehension of their small small business idea and business niche to have the ability to recommend a suitable model. Many members of the industry will inform you to skip writing your profile entirely. So based on just what you are searching, youll be in a position to choose ebooks to fit your own needs. For instance, you might say that youre highly motivated, energetic, enthusiastic, detail-oriented and so forth. Ideas, Formulas and Shortcuts for Investment Banking Resume Template Banks dont would just like to employ automatons with good grades. Consultants are predicted to find innovative method of doing things. To begin finding Investment Banker Resume, youre right to discover our website that has a thorough selection of ebook listed. Helping to recognize prospective investors. Finding Investment Banking Resume Template Online Its expectedof you to get the crucial set of skills. If youre short on specific abilities, you could also cite personal skills. Youre going to learn the vital skill of all of them. Relevant interpersonal skills would be convenient. Again, odds are that a student will know about doing it. Business schools want people that are interesting, have good communication abilities and aresociable, so they will increase the classroom experience. Sometimes you could be uncertain even about the industry that you want to work in, and surely you wont have lots of qualified experience to back your targets. So the renewable energy business is the ideal girlfriend. Georgia and Arial are a great pick. The largest plus with a resume template is that you may download and customize with relevant info and details to symbolize your candidature at an approaching interview for a job-profile in the banking sector. Basically, employers wish to realize that you can bring something to their team. Operations staff essentially offer support to the client-facing departments within the business, like the corporate finance department. Instead clients provide a non-binding budget estimate when posting a project so that they can quickly draw in the ideal professionals. If you have a look at J.P. Morgan and Goldman Sachs 2016 analyst classes, you will find a notion of the typical todays junior bankers want to attain. Investment Banking Resume Template and Investment Banking Resume Template - The Perfect Combination Todays job seekers have to be computer savvy in addition to Internet knowledgeable. Job aspirants have to be conscious of a resume template as an alternative to a programs vitae template. Also explain you will be pleased to supply any extra documents they may need. In the work description section.

Top Resume Guidelines Choices

Top Resume Guidelines Choices Background tasks ought to be lightweight to conserve battery life and supply a better user experience for foreground apps. Possessing a great resume format is vital to organizing your data in a way which will help you become noticed. You may also download absolutely free templates from our Resume Library to get going on your best resume. In conclusion, Resumes is among the best alternatives to present some considered to although prepared to help to make an extraordinary CV. It is not worth the riskespecially for work that requires credentials you dont have. Below, you will discover a list of resume examples that may assist you with your work search. If you wish to customize professional, pre-formatted resumes, have a look at our for completely free downloadable templates. Type of Resume Guidelines Remember employment gaps, career trajectory, where youre in your industry, and where you intend on going. If you realize that you are hesitating, take some help from a renowned writer, William Faulkner, and be ready to kill your darlings. You will receive perfectly optimized resumes and youre going to create your life simpler Each resume format was made to improve your odds to find the job in 2018. All you have to do to read and follow our rules. There are a few rules you will need to follow, when youre writing or updating your resume. The Foolproof Resume Guidelines Strategy In that case, then the functional resume format could be perfect. As previously mentioned, you wish to decide on a resume format thats suited to your personal profile. You ought to understand, that resume format is vital, as it can boost your odds to get invited for an interview. In that case, then the reverse chronological format could be perfect for your resume Most significantly, you ought to have a peek at the experience you must do have and the specific serious efforts that you made for the prior employers. If at all possible, include a person whos not in the profession to reassess your resume. Once youve reviewed resumes in your field, peruse resumes across fields to know how to vary the usage of action verbs and receive a feel for what makes a potent accomplishment statement. When youre working at your existing job youre not stressed, seems like everything goes smooth and with no troubles. Theres really no reason to wind up with anything under a fantastic resume, and thats what were here to ensure that you do Your resume needs to fix an issue for employers (which is the reason why theyre hiring). The very first thing you ought to do is make sure a possible employer knows whose resume theyre taking a look at To determine the kind of format that you should utilize for your resume, you should evaluate your present objectives and the kind of data which you will need to present to your prospective employer. Part of creating an effective resume is deciding on the best format to inform your private story. At l ength, it doesnt really supply the ideal format for those with zero experience. The very last thing that you want to do is receive a job that you cant do. Its cool that youre trying to find a job to have some money, but you need some issues with resume. Choosing which to use depends upon the sort of job that you are applying for and your degree of experience. If you would like to receive a new job then youll need to make sure that your resume does two things.

Definition and Usage of Demographics in Advertising

Definition and Usage of Demographics in AdvertisingDefinition and Usage of Demographics in AdvertisingOne of the most important goals of any advertising campaign is aiming it correctly. At the end of the day, brilliant dynamic creative work and high-end budgets are wasted if they target the wrong people. If youre in the business of making the best and most comfortable motorcycle seats the world has ever known, you know just who you want to connect with - people who ride motorcycles. But life isnt always that easy. What if you have a product or tafelgeschirr with a much broader appeal? After all, everyone eats food and drinks water. Then its not so cut and dry. Aiming an advertising campaign at everyone is an impossible task unless you have an enormous budget and a media buy that would dwarf anything Coca-Cola or Nike has ever done. At this point, demographics can play a huge role in your campaign. You can use them to focus yourself and target a specific segment of the bevlkerung - one that will give your ad campaign the best bang for its buck. Before you do that, dive into the nuts and bolts of demographics first. Basic Definition Demographics are used in advertising, marketing, research, politics and many other areas of business to target a specific segment of the populace. Traditionally, demographics provides information based on factors that can include, but are not limited to AgeSex/GenderGeneration This is important in the digital age, especially if youre targeting certain groups like Millennials, who are very savvy on social media.Sexual OrientationMarital Status Married, single, separated and divorced people tend to have different spending habits, so this information can help push your campaign in the right direction.Number of ChildrenNationalityIncome Income levels will tell you just what kind of buying power people have and give you insight into the kinds of things they buy. Education Level The highest level of education received by people in the group. This can also provide a window into how and what people buy.Home OwnershipPlace of ResidenceOccupation Some advertisers ask for specific occupations while others may group them by industry.Pet OwnershipPolitical AffiliationReligious Affiliation The number of factors used in demography - the study of demographics - can vary greatly depending on the kind of research being done. Therefore, this list can grow considerably, be more focused on certain factors or subsets, or can become much broader. Demographics can be used for a number of different purposes including in advertising. The information and data can also be used for political, social and cultural purposes. Target Audience Based on Demographics At the beginning of any good advertising campaign, there is a strategy meeting. At this meeting, there will be discussions on the product or service being advertised, the budget, the timing, the tone of voice, research findings, and of course, the target audience. This is w here demography comes in. A target audience in a creative brief is essential for any campaign. The creative advertising agency must know who the product or service is going to be marketed to. There are usually three ways this is approached A specific person is created. This is deemed the best approach. Using data from the research, information from the client, and an analysis of the product or service, a specific target audience character is developed. For instance, when selling a certain type of beer, a target audience may be created focusing on a man called Jack, who is 36 years old, has a beard, works at a car plant, has a wife and two kids, drives a truck, loves barbecues, listens to country music, and plays pool in his spare time. This is someone the creative department can picture very easily, and create a campaign to appeal to this man. The hope is by appealing to this man, you appeal to a certain segment of the population. Using information about a general target audience. T his is considered an acceptable method. It is not as good as creating a specific target audience because it is hard to have a conversation about the product or service with a broad spectrum of the population. For instance, men aged 28 to 45, with a full-time job, a car or truck, into sports and music. It opens up the conversation to way too many people, and as such, the campaign can suffer from being too generic.The worst possible way is to consider everyone a target. Sadly, this is not something you ever want to see in a creative brief. But, that doesnt stop it from making an appearance. Very few account directors would dare write everyone under the target audience heading, but they will find ways to include almost everyone. It can go like thisPrimary Target Audience Men and women who do grocery shopping, between the ages of 18 and 49. Low to middle income.Secondary Target Audience Anyone else who shops in grocery stores, between the ages of 8 to 80. Any income level. That may sou nd far-fetched, but that is lifted from an actual brief written for a well-known frozen food chain in the UK. That helps no one. Ideally, you want to be able to sit and think of the exact person youre advertising to, right down to how they dress, what they smell like and whether they take sugar in their tea. Generalization helps no one. Using demographics in the preceding ways can highly impact the success, or failure, of an advertising campaign. If the research is incorrect, or the assumptions a little off, the demographic information can actually cause a campaign to crash and burn. Using Focus Groups Research may suggest the product should be aimed at older white males who own their own homes and are happily married. But, in actuality, the testing of the product or service produces significantly different results, showing the actual users of this product are younger, single and race is no issue. By targeting the wrong demographics, the campaign funds can be depleted quickly an d the advertising can fall on deaf ears. Thats why youll want to test the product early on different demographics and use this information to dictate the target audience of the campaign being created. Many advertisers do this by hosting focus groups. This is a diverse group of people made up of different demographics chosen to test and discuss a product before its launch. By leading a focus group, you can talk directly to customers to see how they feel about a specific product or service before its available to the public. You should make sure that participants are opening up and fully engaged in order to get the best possible reaction, otherwise, you lose value in their opinions. But it should be noted that although focus groups can help determine the kind of people who will use the product, or what they would do to improve it, focus groups can play havoc with actual advertising campaign creative. Often, they are too small a segment of the chosen demographic to give an adequate res ponse, and may often be swayed by a poor focus group host, or an overly-aggressive member of the group. The Bottom Line It just isnt enough to say that your product is good for everyone. Even before your product or service hits the market, youll want to test it out and collect as much data on who it best serves. Go through the demographics of your target market and define your customer. Only then will your campaign, and product, be a success.

Taking Notes in the Job Interview

Taking Notes in the Job InterviewTaking Notes in the Job InterviewNotes have a place in the job bewerbungsgesprch, but cheat sheets are unacceptable.Job interviews are all about exchanging information - information about the job, information about yourself, information about your past and your industry expertise. At times, a job interview can feel like an examination. Better study.Theres also a lot to take in during a job interview. More to study.Since our school days weve been trained to take notes, to study them and refer to them in our discourse. Its the best way to acquire and retain critical information. You might be inclined to take notes during a job interview. You might be inclined to refer to your previous notes when answering questions.But is it appropriate? How does it look when a job seeker sits down for an interview and opens a notebook or sheets of data?The answer, according to interview experts, is clear taking notes is acceptable, even encouraged referring to your not es when answering questions is unacceptable.If youre jotting down peoples names and positions, then absolutely its OK, said Nancy L. Newell, a senior professional in human resources and the principal of Nth Degree Consulting, a human resource management and executive coaching company. She advises job seekers to bring a padfolio to an interview and stock it full of copies of your resume and work samples that can be shown or given out to everyone you meet during the interview. I dont think people show up to an interview empty-handed.The padfolio can also be used to jot down notes to capture key nuggets of information during the interview the ones you really dont want to forget or get embarrassingly mixed up in the future. You dont want to find yourself a week later at the second interview referring to the wrong competitor in a strategic campaign or calling the president of the company by the wrong name. But dont be overzealous, Newell warned. Its still a conversation and you dont wan t to appear like a reporter conducting an interview.One trick Newell recommends is to collect business cards of all the key people you meet that day and categorize them within your padfolio. That way youll be well-organized after the interview and poised for an effective follow-up campaign.Cheat SheetsWith so much on your mind, its easy to forget something during an interview. There might be a bright idea you wanted to bring up or a key selling point you cant afford to skip. The temptation here is to rely on your notes after all, notes are OK if youre giving a speech, right? Wrong, said Newell. Even if its just a quick glance, thats a move thats very ill-advised because its all up to the perception of the interviewer.The interviews are all about exchanging information, and above all its absolutely crucial to convey a simple message I am an expert, I am good at this and Im the right person for the job.The point is to appear competent, and a great way to do that is to appear as if yo u know what youre doing. Relying on notes, however subtle, demonstrates the opposite message I have no idea what Im doing here and cant even remember what Im supposed to say. The possible downside consequences are so much greater than any possible upside.One concern of interviewers is that the notes and thus the statements arent your own, said Newell. Who prepared the notes? Is that his knowledge or somebody elses knowledge that theyre bringing in?The best course is to prepare, to study, to know the facts cold before you enter the interview. Take notes about the company during the course of the interview and while youre studying, figure out what you want to say to present yourself as the right person for the job, write it down and rehearse. Then if you forget something important, either roll with it or bring up the point during the follow-up correspondence.

How to have a happy marriage 7 powerful secrets from research

How to have a happy marriage 7 powerful secrets from researchHow to have a happy marriage 7 powerful secrets from researchEverybody wants to have a happy marriage. Unfortunately, on average, marriages getlesshappy with time.You know this must be true because I have achartActually, its worse than that because you have a lousy memory and yur brain plays tricks on you. However happy you think your marriage is, its probably been less happy than that.Researczu sichs asked people how satisfied they were with their partnership. Then they checked in again later with the same subjects. A lot of people said things had gotten better. But they were wrong. People consistently misremembered how good things were the first time they were asked.So heres another depressing chartFromThe All-or-Nothing Marriage How the Best Marriages WorkEven though peoples actual relationship satisfaction had declined from 5.8 to 5.4, their perceived relationship satisfaction had increased from 4.7 to 5.4. They achieve d this self-delusion, which allowed them to believe the falsehood that they were becoming happier in the marriage, by misremembering their Time 1 satisfaction as being 4.7 when it welches actually 5.8.No, shouting at me wont make this less true.The very happy marriage has taken a seat next to pandas on the endangered species list.Before you start fumbling with the child-proof cap on the Prozac bottle, let me say thereisa silver lining here. While the average marriage has gotten worse, the happiest marriages are better than theyve ever been.FromThe All-or-Nothing Marriage How the Best Marriages WorkMarriage, in short, has tilted toward an all-or-nothing state. As its primary functions have ascended Maslows hierarchy, and as weve spent less time with our spouse, its become more difficult for our marriage to live up to our expectations, which means that more of us wind up feeling disappointed. At the same time, as the nature of our marital expectations has changed, the benefits of fulf illing those expectations are larger than ever. Consequently, even as the average marriage is getting worse, the best marriages are getting better.Alright, enough doom and gloom. How can we make our unions more like those super-duper happy ones?Were going to get some answers fromEli Finkel. (He does more than compile depressing charts, I swear.) Hesa professor of psychology at Northwestern University and the director of their Relationships and Motivation Lab.His book isThe All-or-Nothing Marriage How the Best Marriages Work.Alright, lets get started quick before those stats sink any lower schwimmbad things are exceptions, good things are traitsEverybody screws up. Your spouse is going to screw up. So how should you interpret those screw-ups?People with happy marriages see those mistakes as external (caused by context, not character) and temporary (as one-offs, not persistent traits).So, repeat after me your spouse was late picking you up because traffic was bad today and not because they are and always have been an inconsiderate subhuman pig-man who will never ever change.FromThe All-or-Nothing Marriage How the Best Marriages Work the tendency to make internal and stable attributions for our spouses negative behaviorspredicts greater distress about those behaviors and greater deterioration in relationship quality over time. The tendency to make external and temporary attributions for such behaviorsdoes just the opposite, reducing distress about the behavior in question If were confident that our partner is, by and large, a decent person who wants to do well by us, theres a strong argument that we should seek to make attributions that give him or her the benefit of the doubt.And you can turn this one inside out and double the benefits. When your partner does something good, you want to chalk that up to being internal (indicative of their character) and stable (a persistent trait).They got you that thoughtful gift because they are and always have been the kindes t person to ever grace the earth with the imprint of their foot and not because every now and then even Satan remembers to do something nice.FromThe All-or-Nothing Marriage How the Best Marriages WorkRather than separating our spouse from the behavior and treating it as a one-off event, relationships benefit when we link our spouse to the behavior and treat it as generally characteristic of him or her - when we make internal, stable attributions the tendency to make internal and stable attributions for our spouses positive behaviors predicts greater happiness about those behaviors and greater improvement in relationship quality over time.The point here isnt to begin a massive campaign of lying to yourself, but to give your partner the benefit of the doubt.(To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my bestselling bookhere.)By interpreting issues the right way you can keep things positive and continue to see your soulmate as your soulmate.Oh, by the way - you really shouldnt see them as your soulmate. Ever Meant to be equals not meant to beI know, I know - this post is about as romantic as an episode of Divorce Court. But believing someone is your soulmate has a serious downside.Psychologists call concepts like this destiny beliefs and theyre a pretty black and white way to see things. So when things get difficult, people who endorse ideas like we were meant to be tend to flip to wewerentmeant to be. Ouch. Whats a better perspective?Much as with intelligence and learning, you want to have a growth mindplatzset toward your relationship. Things arent set in stone, difficulties are normal, its going to take some work, but we can always improve.FromThe All-or-Nothing Marriage How the Best Marriages WorkAccording to the psychologist Raymond Knee, people with strong destiny beliefs think that partners either are or are not meant to be. They view conflict and other relationship difficulties as indicators that they may simply be incompatible w ith their partner. People with strong growth beliefs, in contrast, think that partners can cultivate a high-quality relationship by working and growing together. They view conflict and other relationship difficulties as opportunities to develop a stronger relationship.Stop talking about your marriage like its the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy and start endorsing ideas like,A successful relationship evolves through hard work and resolution of incompatibilities or Challenges and obstacles in a relationship can make love even stronger.FromThe All-or-Nothing Marriage How the Best Marriages WorkOne promising option for approaching our relationship in a growth mind-set is to take a few minutes every month to think about ways in which such statements are true, ideally focusing on instances in our own lives when, for example, overcoming an obstacle made a relationship stronger.So see yourselves as a couple that has the skills to work through problems instead of the characters in some e pic predestination story. As a general rule, your relationship should have as little in common with Oedipus Rex as possible.(To learn the two-word morning ritual that will make you happy all day, clickhere.)People give a lot of marital advice but one thing nobody ever tells us is take things for granted. You know why? Because 1) its a terrible idea and, 2) nobody needs to. Sadly, were excellent at doing it without a reminder Give thanksWhen even just one of you feels gratitude,bothof you are more satisfied with the relationship. Hows that for a bargain?FromThe All-or-Nothing Marriage How the Best Marriages WorkAlgoe argues that gratitude serves as a booster shot for romantic relationships. People tend to experience higher gratitude on days when their partner does something thoughtful for them, and such gratitude predicts elevated relationship quality the next day. In fact, when one partner experiences elevated gratitude on a given day, both partners experience positive relationship outcomes. In the long run, people who experience elevated levels of gratitude also experience stronger relationship commitment and are less likely to break up.Research shows that merely dedicating a little time tothinking about how your partner has invested in the relationship increases positive feelings toward them and elevates commitment to the marriage.And this often leads to a virtuous cycle.FromThe All-or-Nothing Marriage How the Best Marriages WorkAll of us can find a few minutes per week - before going to bed or while showering, perhaps- to think about ways in which our spouse has invested in our marriage. Doing so has the potential not only to bolster our gratitude and relationship commitment, but also to increase our overall happiness. And heres the kicker Because our own experience of gratitude tends to predict our partners warm treatment toward us, our decision to pursue a gratitude-increasing lovehack can increase our partners positivity toward us, potentially launching a virtuous cycle of mutual gratitude, kindness, and commitment.Big benefits and you didnt even have toexpressgratitude to your partner. Not that it would hurt, mind you.*blogger clears throat*(To learn 5 secrets from neuroscience that will increase your attention span, clickhere.)So its good to be thankful for the positive things theyve done in the past. But what can you do for the positive things in the moment in order to make them that much better?CapitalizationNo, I dont mean use the big letters. When discussing relationships everybody focuses on getting through the hard times. Turns out we have it backwards. Studies show that how you celebrate the good times actually has a much bigger effect on how happy your marriage is.Capitalization is delighting in your partners good news. Being supportive, curious and enthusiastic when they get that big promotion, that big raise, or when the judge says acquitted.FromThe All-or-Nothing Marriage How the Best Marriages Workthe psychologists S helly Gable and Harry Reis observe that social support is about much more than helping each other through hard times. These scholars have built a program of research demonstrating the power of delighting in good news together. In particular, communicating with our partner about personal positive events - that is, engaging in capitalization attempts - is linked to positive emotions and mental health, beyond any effect of the events themselves. Such capitalization attempts are also linked to greater feelings of trust, intimacy, and satisfaction in the relationship.Every night each of you should share the best thing that happened to you that day. Listen intently, ask questions, and be enthusiastic.Thats all you have to do. Yes, really.FromThe All-or-Nothing Marriage How the Best Marriages Work every evening over the subsequent week, the partners took turns discussing their most important personal positive event that day. Couples who had been trained in enthusiastic, celebratory respo nding - trained to ask questions about the event, show positive emotion about it, and generally be engaged and constructive during the interaction - tended to experience greater love for each other following those nightly discussions.(To learn the secret to never being frustrated again, clickhere.)But sharing good news is just the start. Whats the secret to better communication in a marriage?Communication Is keyTalking about relationships is good for your relationship. You dont even have to talk aboutyourrelationship, necessarily.In fact, just watch Casablanca together and discuss it. Seriously.Researchers had couples watch movies about relationships and then talk about them. Guess what? Those people were less likely to divorce.FromThe All-or-Nothing Marriage How the Best Marriages Work each week over the next month, they viewed a different relationship-themed movie and discussed the same set of questions. Relative to participants in the no-treatment condition, participants in the intervention condition were about half as likely to separate or divorce over the next three years (13 versus 24 percent).And try some self-disclosure. Open up. Its tightly linked with higher relationship quality.And you dont need to go full-therapy-session. Want to increase the passion in your relationship?All it takes is a double date and opening up about yourself.When study subjects played a game involving self-disclosure while with another couple, romance was rekindled.FromThe All-or-Nothing Marriage How the Best Marriages WorkWhen it came to feelings of satisfaction in the relationship, the self-disclosure task was beneficial regardless of whether the couple was on a double date or by themselves. But when it came to feelings of romantic passion, the self-disclosure task was especially beneficial in the double-date condition. In short, socializing with our spouse and other people can stoke the romantic fire in our marriage, but only if the socializing is fun and intimate.(To lea rn 3 secrets from neuroscience that will help you quit bad habits without willpower, clickhere.)And going on double dates isnt the only way socializing can improve your marriage See other peopleNo, dont have an affair. That would be bad. Very bad.But these days we expect spouses to be our everything emotionally. And that is insane. You totenstill need friends. You still need family.A ton of research shows we need a diversified social portfolio. And we need them to be specialized the friend who calms you down when youre anxious, the family member who cheers you up when youre down, the pal who helps you chill out when youre angry. Your spouse cant be expected to be the best at every one of those situations.So what happens when you have a team of emotional specialist friends in your life? You dont just feel better personally - your marriage gets better.FromThe All-or-Nothing Marriage How the Best Marriages WorkIn this nine-month study, breadth and specialization also predicted a decre ased likelihood of breakup. In addition having a highly specialized social portfolio protected participants from the typical decline in relationship well-being over time.Did you catch that last sentence? The effect is so powerful it actuallypreventsthe decline in relationship well-being that we saw in those scary charts up above.It also has the lovely benefit of not turning your spouse into a widow or widower.FromThe All-or-Nothing Marriage How the Best Marriages WorkA meta-analysis by the psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad reveals that people with high scores on broad measures of social integralrechnung - marital status, social network size, and social network participation - are about half as likely to die in a given follow-up interval (say, ten years) as people with low scores. This effect is larger than the effects of well-known predictors of mortality like smoking and obesity.(To see the schedule that very successful people follow every day, clickhere.)So youve got good frie nds and youre not expecting your spouse to solve every problem you face. Cool. But when you two are together, what should youdo?Try A New Restaurant After You Go SkydivingWhen you first start dating you do all kinds of cool stuff. Then you fall into a rut and your life together feels as scripted as a bad sitcom.Youre not bored - youre boring. So stop being boring. Keep doing new and exciting things together and the relationship can stay fun.We all want to learn and grow and be stimulated - psychologists call it self-expansion theory. When you continue to do those types of things, relationship satisfaction goes way up. Oh, and something else happens too A lot more sex.FromThe All-or-Nothing Marriage How the Best Marriages WorkIn a study from the psychologist Amy Muise, relationship partners completed questionnaires about their relationship for twenty-one consecutive days. They reported how much self-expansion they experienced each day by completing items like How much did being wit h your partner result in you having new experiences? and How much did being with your partner expand your sense of the kind of person you are? They listed activities like shucking oysters for the first time, taking ballroom dancing lessons, and taking a road trip. When participants reported greater self-expansion on a given day, both they and their partner reported experiencing greater sexual desire in - and greater satisfaction with- the relationship. They were also 36 percent more likely to have sex that day.No, you dont actually have to go skydiving. But your activities do need to be truly novel and exciting. Pleasant doesnt cut it, bubba.FromThe All-or-Nothing Marriage How the Best Marriages WorkA study by the psychologist Charlotte Reissman included a more stringent control condition. All couples made a list of activities that they view as exciting and a separate list of activities that they view as pleasant. They were then assigned to engage in either an exciting or a pleasan t activity for ninety minutes for each of ten consecutive weeks. Relative to couples in the pleasant condition, couples in the exciting condition were happier in their relationship at the studys conclusion.(To learn the 4 secrets to reading body language like an expert, clickhere.)Okay, weve learned a lot about how to defy those depressing marriage stats. Lets round it all up and find out the very important - and incredibly simple - last thing you need to do Sum upThis is how to have a happy marriageBad things are exceptions, good things are traits When they dont do the dishes its because they were busy. When theydodo the dishes its because theyre a good person who loves you.Meant to be equals not meant to be A growth mindset prevents your soulmate from becoming not-your-soulmate.Give thanks Regularly think about all the nice things theyve done to contribute to the relationship. (And maybe even thank them.)Capitalization Be enthusiastic and make their little good things into big g ood things.Communication is key Self-disclosure is powerful - especially on a double date.See other people Supportive friends dont take you away from your relationship they improve it.Try a new restaurant after you go skydiving Novel and exciting experiences together makes for happier marriages and increased sexy-time.So what else do you need to do? I feel silly even saying it spend more time together as a couple.Because these days, most people dont.FromThe All-or-Nothing Marriage How the Best Marriages WorkAccording to one major study, the amount of time that childless Americans spent alone with their spouse declined from thirty-five to twenty-six hours per week from 1975 to 2003, with much of this decline resulting from an increase in hours spent at work. The decline for Americans with children at home was from thirteen to nine hours per week, with much of it resulting from an increase in time-intensive parenting.We expect so much from marriage in the modern era - and itdoeshave the potential to deliver on those big expectations. The happiest marriages today are the best they have ever been.Just put in a little effort and you can defy the trends and have one of those very happy marriages where the charts look upside downJoin over 320,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via emailhere.Thisarticlefirst appeared in 2014 onBarking up the Wrong Tree.